a note to yourself.

have you ever thought about seeing someone you haven't seen in a long time? you wonder what you'll wear, and if they'll sound any different. is there a hug involved, or should you just shake hands? what will you even say? there are a thousand worries that run through your head, and then that day comes. the day you have been waiting and planning for. two. years. later.

you're anxious. you're shaky and sweaty. they walk in the room and your heart stops. thinking you are something special, you expect them to come over. they don't. you shake it off. you sit through the meeting like a robot, laughing at all the jokes, but if someone asked you to recall a part of what was said, you would be clueless. it's over. the one you have been waiting so long to see is just a few feet away. your feet are lead as you pull yourself to go say hello. there it is: a hug, a smile. the person you've missed so much. the one you've supported for the last two years of your life.

... and the next couple days are a fairytale. all the time you spent thinking about them and writing them long letters and emails is going to pay off. all the seemingly unanswered prayers are being answered before your eyes. you are the happiest you've been in a long time and you suddenly realize why nothing worked out with anyone else. you're at peace.

but then something happens. you're not the important one. there are others, and why shouldn't there be? it's the same situation you've seen time and time again: you are always the other girl. is there something wrong with you? maybe. but who were you kidding? fairytales don't happen. this is real life. and in real life, your support for two years just wasn't good enough. it's a snap back to reality. you have to let go, but it's hard. sure, you have other options. the problem is, you don't want those other options. you want him. it has been that way for years.

your biggest fear has been fulfilled, and it feels a lot like you've been punched in the stomach. but you won't cry, and you'll be just fine without him. you were fine before, and you'll be fine now. you'll look back on those two years as a learning experience, and you'll be happy for him in any decision he makes. you'll wonder why you weren't good enough, but inside yourself you know that isn't the case. some people just aren't meant to be together, just as with you and every other person you've dated. the only difference is this one took a lot more effort than the others, and he might just be perfect.  you might wonder why the Lord led you to him, but eventually something will happen that will make it all make sense, and the person that makes it make sense will be just as perfect as this one. so you'll keep your head high and put on that smile, having the time of your life, and realizing you just passed one more stepping stone on the way to eternal happiness.